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It has nothing to do with you- wow I am feeling important right now. It may have nothing to do with me but you are the one who is making me worried about things by saying that. I realize you need the space but god don't shut me out.



I miss talking to you- and it's only been 3 days. I miss hearing you laugh- miss hearing you tell me to shush. One of the girls at work said I'm being bitchy and grouchy and maybe I am. She also said I was in love with you and maybe I am falling that way.

It hurts that you don't want to talk to me to let me know what is wrong. You say it has nothing to do with me and I hope that is true. I am sorry that you don't find that you can confide in me.



I wanted to make you smile by sending those text messages but I guess you didn't even want those so I will do as you asked and leave you alone.

It is my nature to inquire when someone I know and care fore is not feeling well on any level.



Why do i worry when you shut me out? Why does it matter so much already when you don't want to talk to me?



I understand wanting to be alone but please let me know you are okay at least. I hate being ignored I found. Its not something that I like very much.



I am hating myself right now for giving you so much power over me. I know that we have known each other for such a short time but it just irks me that you don't want to share what is wrong with me. I guess I should just take it as is and that you just want to be alone but I feel that I need to make an effort for you to know that I am here for you.



It is what friends and whatever you may classify us to be do.

Even though you may never read my journal thank you for being a friend. I am honored to have you in my life and am glad that you are a part of it.

Things have changed so much in the last few months for me because of you.

I smile more. I laugh more. I look forward to talking to you and am sad the days i don't. You have no idea how tempted I am to just say fuck it and leave everything to go to SD and be with you.

The practical part of me knows that I need to visit first and actually meet you. The romantic part of me can't wait to get there and be with you.

And I am scared. Scared that this is not real. Scared that you are just playing me. Scared that I will want to stay with you. Scared of leaving my family behind- they are all of me and I can't imagine being that far away.



You make stupid little comments to me like:



The text you sent me:

Because we been friends first and the other stuff just happened





or when i make smart ass comments and you tell me to shut up because I am loved



and my heart skips a beat- stupid i know.

You put up with my silliness and dorkiness and the fact that I am a little unsure of myself.



You allow me to wear my blonde hat every now and then :) and make me laugh when I do.



I feel special.

r



aww the face that makes me smile